I happened upon a casual friend a couple days ago at Wal Mart. I ask how her kids were that had just started their freshman and sophomore years of college. With a strained look on her face she replied "they're good, but I'm miserable". I wished I could some how set her at ease. She has great kids, but not being with them everyday was making her crazy.
That conversation made me wonder why I haven't struggled with "Mom misery" like her. I know she can't possibly love her kids more than I love mine, what's the difference between her angst and my peaceful acceptance?
I cried all the way home from taking my oldest to Huntington College back in 1999. That was more about remembering the joy of raising him and being his Mama than pain of leaving him. His life was waiting for him there, not at home with his Daddy and I.
My second left us in baby steps. We battled, oh how we battled, I wanted him to behave like a grown up, while he said "you just don't want to let me grow up!". I will just let time set that straight, he has a beautiful, smart, three year old daughter. It will all look different to him in about 15 years.
My youngest married at age 19. Yes, that's young, but he has truly found his love. He has much to learn, but he can not be told, he must live the lessons. That's his way.
He, like his brothers will find his life. My boys will make the decisions that shape their lives as I made mine. There Dad and I are confidant that we equipped them to handle what life holds. Foremost, we gave them Jesus, they each have their own walk with Him, a knowledge of God that is with them always to help them in ways their Dad and I cannot. We gave them humor too, it can get you through many a trying situation. Is all of this scary? Oh yes, it's terrifying, but when each of them were babies Jim and I walked the isle of our church and stood before our church family and gave them to the Lord. I have never taken them back.
Will they choose what I would choose? Have they always done what I THINK the Lord would have them do? No, but that is ok. I pray for them each time they cross my mind and in the middle of the night when sleep won't come I lay them once again at the feet of my Saviour. Maybe I haven't struggled with "Mom misery" because I laid all of that there too.
A Capsule Sermon I read says it well "The art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on".
Marla Ritchie, Always Jeremiah,
Nolan and Brennan's Mom
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