Proverbs 31 Bothers Me!

  I know it sounds a little crazy for a believer like me, in her fifties, having been gloriously saved at a young age to say this but, Proverbs 31 Bothers Me! 

  It starts with warnings about "not giving your strength unto women" or "to ways that destroyeth kings". It proceeds to warn of the dangers of wine and strong drink, then recommends  occasions when "drink" would be appropriate, at death and when depressed, maybe to forget. I will leave that part alone for now, but what really bugs me comes next.

    The part that bothers me and has for years, starts in verse 10. "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies". This is the verse we have heard a thousand times, every Mother's Day, at Mother/Daughter Banquets and surely every Woman's Retreat or Conference I have ever been to. 

  This woman loves and respects her husband, takes good care of her children, tends diligently to her home. She rises early, making sure everyone in her household is fed, she is considered wise in business, she is productive, even till late hours in the day. She is charitable, never lazy, kind and "looks well" to her home and family. She is the splendid example of what we all as Christian mothers and wives, women, want to be.

    To address the initial question, let me say, " I can". My life has been "full" of this "kind" of woman. Both of my Mothers were a Proverbs 31 woman, women in my church taught me, and lived lives before me that brought THIS woman to life before my eyes everyday. I praise them and I believe their families have "risen up and called them blessed", but what about the ones that never HEAR a word of praise? What about those who never hear a word of thanks, who never receive praise, either publicly or privately? How painful this passage must be.

  This chapter has always held the strongest reminder to me, that we must not find our identity in the things of this earth. Not even our families, no matter how loving. We are the daughters of Almighty God, bought with a price, not our own. Our families may never "rise up", some husbands will never "call us blessed".  The woman that fears the Lord, honors Him, serves as unto Him, "SHE shall be praised". 

  I will continue to discuss this chapter with the Lord. Maybe He will change my perspective or maybe that is the message God intended for me as I strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

While We Wait

  I kissed his little head for the last time, layed him on the blanket and said "Wait for me". Our life without Asher had begun, but how was I supposed to live when I couldn't breathe? Couldn't think? Was my heart still beating?
  Minutes before, while I rocked and sang to my precious grandson, I ask God to just take MY breath and put it in Asher. Take me and give him back to his Mama and Daddy, but even as I thought the words I knew that life and death were not for me to decide. I would never want to leave Kate, Elijah and Vera, to miss their growing up. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. The Mom in me wanted to "fix" this horrible thing that had taken Asher from us. I was powerless.
  As a family we had rejoiced at learning our 4th grandchild was a boy. Each of our married sons would have one of each, a son and a daughter, perfect. Now, as a family, we were faced with great loss. Its the kind of loss that tests who you are and forces you to decide who God really is. I was trusting the same Jesus my Mama and Daddy had given me, to wrap His arms around MY baby (all grown up) and bring comfort to him that Jim and I could not. Had I done enough to get him through this, with his love for the Lord still strong?
   I had never known pain like this.  This was UNBELIEVABLE grief. How would we ever live without him?
  As I walked to my car that morning, I couldn't understand how the sun dared to shine and people were mulling around like nothing had happened. I would never see Asher nursing at his Mama's breast, never see him snuggled under the covers with his sister or wrestling in the yard with his Daddy. When Nolan had called to tell us Asher was gone, I had wanted to run, just run, out into the darkness. I don't know why. Now, I just wanted the world to notice our baby was gone.
  Isaiah 43:2 "When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee". Samantha ask for this verse during her labor. You will notice it doesn't say " if you love me you will never pass through the waters" or "never find yourself walking through the fire", it says WHEN. When those unbearable days come, when you can't go on, when your heart is so broken, HE IS THERE.
  The cause was a "true knot" in his cord. I had seen the same knot at his father's birth, only loose. Asher had left the warmth and comfort of his mother's womb for the waiting arms of my Jesus.
  I had found it impossible to leave him there at the hospital and could only walk away after they had come and taken his little body to the funeral home. Something wouldn't let me walk away from him. I was glad when Samantha ask me to stay.  
   At the funeral, we sang "I Surrender All" understanding for the first time what that really means. Samantha and Nolan had felt the many prayers for them and had drawn from a well of strength they didn't know they had. Over those days they had faced many things they never thought they would.
  At graveside, I again, was struggling at the thought of walking away from Asher, but forced one foot in front of the other when a clear thought came from the Lord, "You are not walking AWAY from him, but TOWARD him." Yes, we were not leaving him, but moving closer to seeing him again with every step, every hour, every day of life. Our separation from Asher is temporary, made so by the precious blood of our Savior Jesus Christ. 
   I will think of him everyday. I will picture him in heaven surrounded by people who love him. I will live a life that honors the Godly man I know he would be. I will remember with joy, his brief time on earth and with tears, his brief time in my arms.
  Each of us has dealt differently with this loss. Asher would have been someone different to each of us, a son, a brother, grandson and nephew, so our pain has been unique. At times it is still a struggle. Tears still come. We still seek the Lord's comfort. I have found His promises true and in His presence there is peace. While we wait.

 
 

Chain of Love

  I haven't blogged for a while. I've been on emotional overload, too much to share. If I had, it might have just been ramblings OR that sentimental menopausal mix that you have to be another woman in her fifties to understand. We have our own code, don't you know.
  Jim and I had our 32nd Anniversary in October. Now I don't know how that happened when we just got married oh, I don't know, 10 years ago?! ANYWAY, it was a lovely day, just us.
  We have lived through quite a lot since our last anniversary. We lost a grandchild, life changing. Losing Asher was not something we were prepared for, but the Lord knew and He carries us. We married off our youngest son, so we are ALONE. We stay up as late as we want, sleep in if we please and buy groceries we actually get to eat. Neat!
  When we were married in 1979, one of the songs we claimed as "our song" was "Danny's Song" sung by Ann Murray, written by Kenny Loggins. It is amazing how it still "fits" us.
  While our "chain of love" has grown considerably, I am so thankful we continue to share our mornings, our "tears of joy" and know that "every thing's gonna be alright". God has been so good.

Oh, the seventies.

  I love this quote from one of my favorite John Wayne movies, "McClintock!". "All the gold in the US treasury and all the harp music in heaven can't equal what happens between a man and a woman with all that growing together". I'd do it all again and I want 32 more years.

All the Days of My Life

  "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days, all the days of my life". When I begin to account the goodness that has followed me all of my days, I have to include two very special people.
Don and Mary Neal have blessed my life and those of my family for as long as I can remember.
  The memories begin when I was 4 and we began attending First Bible Church. Mary was always smiling, even when she sings, she smiles. Don was this big, handsome man with such presence, but he never knew it, you know, impressive without trying AND he was Angie's daddy. A benefit of having Angie as my friend and growing up in church with she and John was that I also got to spend time with Don and Mary. They just make you feel better.
  Time in there home, fellowship at church were all times of sharing and caring that will always stay with me. They have been my leaders, teachers, pray partners, co-laborers, parent stand-ins and precious friends forever. It is hard to narrow the memories down to just a few words.
  Don brought me home from the hospital after the birth of my son Brennan. My Dad would have done the honors, but had a long standing commitment out of town (Babies don't always come when you would like) so, Don said "What time do you need me?". I remember how sweetly he took baby Brennan from the car and up the walk with Jim trailing behind with all the bags and flowers and such. After he had placed Brennan carefully in the house, he returned for me, escorting me up the sidewalk with my arm in his like I was a queen. Remember now, I had just had my third baby and wasn't feeling very "queenly". Don made me feel special when it really helped to feel special. He just does that.
  Now Mary, how can I tell you all the times Mary was just what I needed. It was November of last year, Sunday morning church and life as I had known it was over. On Friday evening my grandson Asher had died from a "true knot" in his cord at the onset of labor. Samantha delivered him on Saturday morning and on Sunday morning, there I was, in my pew. Mary came to where I was and without any words, sat with me and held my hand during the service, just what I needed her to do. You see, there were no words that could comfort me at that time, but her presence in the pew beside me washed comfort over me ten-fold.  It is what she allows the Lord to accomplish through her that makes Mary .........Mary. It is what sets both she and Don apart from others. They have truly been a precious part of all the "goodness" that has followed me.
  Don and Mary are making a move to Tennessee. When John and Angie were in school in Nashville years ago and Don and Mary made so many quick trips there to support their kids in their current musical or drama event, my daddy would say "They need to move down there". He would be pleased they finally are. I am excited for them, the willingness to make a change like this at their age is a good indication of their "zest" for life and Angie will have Mom and Dad close after so long. Wonderful.
  I will miss them. I am thankful for phones, e-mail, snail mail and Facebook. Maybe they won't feel 5 hours away. I will still need their touch of "goodness" to follow me. God bless them and continue to use them. Nashville has no idea how blessed it is about to be.

"Anti-Social" Media

  I caved under pressure. My children insisted for months that I start an account on facebook. Reluctantly, but with a little excitement, I did.
  You see, I have family living in other States that are on facebook and I truly was anxious to keep in better touch with them and I have, but I have also found that some of the things I thought less attractive about facebook and "social media" in general to be real. 
  You shouldn't say (or post) everything that pops into your brain, especially when you are angry with your husband, annoyed with your child or someone just cut you off in traffic. People post "rants" about issues that follow their agenda without thought to the "friends" feelings on the other end.  Folks are also losing their sense of privacy, it went when cell phones became popular and people began having personal phone conversations in the middle of the grocery store!
   It is fine to "keep up" with current technology, but forgetting manners and being thoughtless of others just to say what WE think benefits no one. Our expression on facebook should be as purposeful and polite as if the person was standing before us, but wait, maybe the problem is that we have forgotten how to carry on a conversation where one person speaks and the other responds,where we are truly interested in the other persons thoughts and concerns or what THEY are trying to communicate.
  I don't have an answer, but as a Christian woman I know that we have a responsibility to conduct ourselves in an appropriate fashion. I want to always uplift and encourage my "friends", both believers and non-believers. As always, it's a choice. Are we being salt and light?
  As for my facebook experience, it has it's place. I love hearing from my kids, nieces, nephews, sisters and friends living away. The daily "little things" they share are priceless. I'm delighted when I hear the latest words of wisdom from a toddler or someone shares a funny video. Prayer requests are one of my favorite posts because I might not have known without FB. Just remember as we are to keep our tongues under control we should also "bridle" our keyboards, both can be deadly.   

Dusty Coffee Mugs

  Coffee flows freely at my house and for years I have kept coffee mugs at the ready, hanging on a rack. When folks help themselves to coffee and choose their mug I always say "give it a rinse in case it hasn't been used lately". Some are used daily of coarse, but others may wait a while. I wouldn't want my friends and family to have "dust tinged" coffee, so thus the warning.
  We have a variety of cups to choose from, a "Someone in Texas loves you" cup from my sister, a 'Girls Gone Wise " cup from a True Woman conference Samantha and I went to, my nephew's 40 cup I passed on to him that he uses when he is here, one from work, the one Don and Em brought back from England that says London all over it and a few with cows. All different, some simple, some colorful, all hold coffee.
  What's the point? Well the other day the Lord spoke to me through those mugs. How often am I, are we, dusty coffee mugs? Unlike the mugs, we have a choice whether to be used are hang there and wait. The Lord needs each of us for His glory, but sometimes we aren't willing. We become "dusty".
  Every couple of weeks I pull all the cups down and give them a wash. I guess that's like revival time, church camp, conferences we attend, or any special moment when we lay everything out for the Lord and he forgives and prepares us for the task He has planned for us. We're ready, but life "scoops us up" and there we are again, hanging, dusty.
  Now we all have to work on our willingness to do those things the Lord has for us to do, individually. What excuse we make, how we just don't have the time, the talent or what ever it is we think keeps us hanging there. The dust really rallies when we neglect our time in God's Word and the quiet time with Him He so richly deserves and We so desperately need.
  So now I have a little reminder to be willing and at the ready to serve the purpose my Lord and Savior has for me today. I never miss my morning coffee, a little cream, no dust please.

MISERY

  I happened upon a casual friend a couple days ago at Wal Mart. I ask how her kids were that had just started their freshman and sophomore years of college. With a strained look on her face she replied "they're good, but I'm miserable". I wished I could some how set her at ease. She has great kids, but not being with them everyday was making her crazy.
  That conversation made me wonder why I haven't struggled with "Mom misery" like her. I know she can't possibly love her kids more than I love mine, what's the difference between her angst and my peaceful acceptance?
  I cried all the way home from taking my oldest to Huntington College back in 1999. That was more about remembering the joy of raising him and being his Mama than pain of leaving him. His life was waiting for him there, not at home with his Daddy and I.
  My second left us in baby steps. We battled, oh how we battled, I wanted him to behave like a grown up, while he said "you just don't want to let me grow up!". I will just let time set that straight, he has a beautiful, smart, three year old daughter. It will all look different to him in about 15 years.
  My youngest married at age 19. Yes, that's young, but he has truly found his love. He has much to learn, but he can not be told, he must live the lessons. That's his way.
  He, like his brothers will find his life. My boys will make the decisions  that shape their lives as I made mine. There Dad and I are confidant that we equipped them to handle what life holds. Foremost, we gave them Jesus, they each have their own walk with Him, a knowledge of God that is with them always to help them in ways their Dad and I cannot. We gave them humor too, it can get you through many a trying situation. Is all of this scary? Oh yes, it's terrifying, but when each of them were babies Jim and I walked the isle of our church and stood before our church family and gave them to the Lord. I have never taken them back.
  Will they choose what I would choose? Have they always done what I THINK the Lord would have them do? No, but that is ok. I pray for them each time they cross my mind and in the middle of the night when sleep won't come I lay them once again at the feet of my Saviour. Maybe I haven't struggled with "Mom misery" because I laid all of that there too.
  A Capsule Sermon I read says it well "The art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on".
                                                                 Marla Ritchie, Always Jeremiah,
                                                                       Nolan and Brennan's Mom